Nothing to Push Against
Why thinking needs a foil
Introduction
Being stuck is rarely a shortage of thinking. It’s usually thinking with nothing to push against. A thought checked only against itself keeps agreeing with itself, and that feels like clarity right up until someone asks a question and the whole thing rearranges.
It rarely helps to think harder. What can help is to put the problem in relationship with something outside your own head.
The Value of Rubber Ducking
There’s a footnote in The Pragmatic Programmer, a 1999 software book by Andrew Hunt and David Thomas, describing a programmer who carried a rubber duck and, when the code wouldn’t work, explained it to the duck line by line. The name stuck. Programmers have been rubber-ducking ever since, and most of them will tell you it works.
What’s striking is how little the duck contributes. No expertise, no question, no advice, not even a nod, only the requirement that you assume it knows nothing and say the whole thing anyway. That turns out to be enough.
The reason isn’t mysterious. Held in your head, a problem can stay half-formed indefinitely. You can carry three incompatible assumptions at once quite comfortably, because you never have to put them in the same sentence. Saying something aloud forces a shape, and saying it to something that knows nothing means having to outline the whole shape. The gaps turn up in the telling.
A good deal of what happens in a session is this, though we don’t usually name it so plainly. I’m not there with the answer. Nobody arrives because I know their business or their decision better than they do. What I offer is a context for the thinking; outside interest that encourages the account to develop.
Unlike the duck, I can notice that you’ve said “obviously” four times about the one thing you’re least sure of, and I can ask what you meant by “fine”. That’s the difference between rubber-ducking and being met by someone. But the direction is the same in both. There is value in how someone responds, but probably even more in how the telling clarifies the problem.
The Conversational River
A river cuts its own banks. The bends aren’t imposed on the water from outside; they’re a record of where it has already been. Containers work like that too. The steadiness of a good conversation accumulates from what has already been let through it, which is why a friendship of twenty years can hold something a workshop exercise can’t.
Practically, this changes what you reach for when you’re stuck. The instinct is to find more information, or more time. Both are usually available, and neither is usually what’s missing.
What’s missing is an outside influence or sounding board.
So, this week: when you’re stuck, pause and ask, what or who could meet me in this?
It might be a person. It might be a page, a walk, a voice note you never send. The requirement is small; it has to be outside you, and you have to say it out loud.
You probably already do this: explaining something to someone who couldn’t possibly help, and coming away helped anyway.
An Invitation to The Thinking Partner
There are still some free trials available for our special Thinking Partner service.
The service describes how to get started in the online manual in the left-hand control bar.
Free Mini Course
The Mental Tools for Neurodivergents (MTND) mini course is a free email series designed to help you deal with “normal” when it’s not designed for your brain.
Initially written for neurodivergent people, but helpful for anyone stressed by navigating neurotypical systems, it’s not a reset like one of our Guided Relaxations or Moments.
It’s a set of precise, field-tested strategies for coping with overload, executive function challenges, sensory strain, and expectations that don’t match how you work best.
You’ll get one short email a day for 5 days. Then, if it’s helpful, you can go deeper.
P.S. As always, we're interested in your feedback. If you have questions or want to discuss any aspect of Liminal Coaching, including 1-to-1 and group coaching programs, please book a complimentary half-hour chat.
Liminal Coaching Services
1-to-1 Coaching Sessions
These sessions can help with various areas, including reducing stress and anxiety, setting boundaries, managing overwhelm, and accessing your natural abilities for ideation, synthesis, innovation, and problem-solving.
All sessions include solutions-focused cognitive coaching, followed by a customized Guided Relaxation session. You will also receive a downloadable recording of the Guided Relaxation to use in your ongoing practice.
If you would like to know more, please book a FREE half-hour introductory session.